• Keeping customers happy - one inch at a time

    A customer (from Spain) writes to thank us for solving a delivery problem, which is good, and adds as an afterthought:

    "But.... please stop using Imperial and go Metric asap. From 2009 onwards, using Imperial will be forbidden anyway."

    First off, yes, a good idea. We shall provide both Metric and Imperial measurements for dildos and vibrators on Lovehoney, not just because we want to be good Europeans (don't we all? ;-) ), but because even some of our UK customers might be more familiar with centimetres than inches.

    And we don't want to be accused by the Metric Association of confusing our customers with all this talk of inches.

    Having said that, you know where you stand (or sit) with a 6-incher or an 8-incher - or even a foot-long dong. "Is that a 20.32 centimetre-er in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?" doesn't have quite the same ring to it...

    But anyway, back to our Spanish friend and his Brussel-ocratic decree that "from 2009 on using Imperial will be forbidden."

    He is, of course, mistaken. As the Metric Martyrs know to their cost, it is only when products are sold by weight or measure that it is compulsory to sell in metric units.

    2009 just sees a tightening up of exceptions, though we will still be able to drink in pints and halves in our great nation's boozers. Thank the Lord.

    Lovehoney doesn't (currently) charge for cock by the inch (though that would be amusing at the cut-me-a-length counter in Homebase), so we're quite correct and perfectly allowed to give dildo and vibrator measurements in inches. Or feet and inches for some of our larger specimens.

    If I'm wrong (and part of me dearly hopes I am), I look forward to the day in late 2009 when I appear in one of Her Majesty's Courts and have to defend myself and Lovehoney on a count of selling cock by the inch. Needless to say, we will ask for several thousand other offences to be taken into account.

    So, the message to Brussels is clear - hands off our cocking inches.

    All of which prompts me to find out exactly how many miles of dildos Lovehoney has ever sold. Pass me the cockulator...

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